He closes his eyes and lets Nate support him there, wondering if this is where he starts wronging the man and can never make up for it. There's no courage to be found. How can there be? It's cowardice to hide behind Nate the way he is, to let the man support him like this, to not insist on a separate tent about a mile outside of camp, to even act like he's not simply an abomination.
"All right," he says, and knows the words damn him. There's no fight left as he opens his eyes again and shifts so his weight is back in part on his staff. Anders is weak because he can no longer stand to be alone, and others will pay the price. The only hope he has is if just one of the rituals work, if Justice is returned to the Fade, but is there even enough of Anders left to recover from that? What if he needs the spirit now, and losing Justice means losing the remainder of who he is? Becoming essentially Tranquil?
And what if those questions are coming from Justice and not Anders?
He can feel no desire to return from Justice anymore. There are so many reasons Anders has to lose courage, but somehow he still has Nate's arm and care and he can at least walk physically forward, one step at a time.
"I don't know what will happen the next time someone hits me," he says after a few steps, and his voice is hollow. "It keeps happening, and I don't know how to stop it, either."
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Date: 2016-04-10 10:48 pm (UTC)From:"All right," he says, and knows the words damn him. There's no fight left as he opens his eyes again and shifts so his weight is back in part on his staff. Anders is weak because he can no longer stand to be alone, and others will pay the price. The only hope he has is if just one of the rituals work, if Justice is returned to the Fade, but is there even enough of Anders left to recover from that? What if he needs the spirit now, and losing Justice means losing the remainder of who he is? Becoming essentially Tranquil?
And what if those questions are coming from Justice and not Anders?
He can feel no desire to return from Justice anymore. There are so many reasons Anders has to lose courage, but somehow he still has Nate's arm and care and he can at least walk physically forward, one step at a time.
"I don't know what will happen the next time someone hits me," he says after a few steps, and his voice is hollow. "It keeps happening, and I don't know how to stop it, either."