[Grow old with him. It wasn't something he'd expected, but now that he might be so close to losing Nate it's become the target.]
I don't ever want to lose you.
[As he spreads his legs, he knows exactly how he could try to keep Nate for too long. Letting go of him would be an impossibility. He'll cure Nate. Or if all else fails, he'll go with the man. He can't allow him to suffer so much he has to ask for death. He won't.
Anders reaches up to thread his fingers through Nate's hair and urge his head down so he can have another kiss. With his other hand he reaches down to undo the ties on Nate's breeches. If the moment were less serious he'd joke about both wearing skirts but he can't. Not right now. Once open he's palming Nate's cock and urging it to full hardness.]
[Nathaniel kisses voraciously, tongue gliding along the roof of Anders' mouth as his fingers scoop up salve. The warm touch on his cock has him hardening quickly, but it's even quicker when he coaxes Anders' fingers apart and slicks them with salve. Then he smears what's left against Anders' entrance, prodding inside a bit roughly in his haste and desperation. Then he is pushing inside him, feeling the heat as every inch is buried. This isn't tender lovemaking. This is needy fucking.
His arms bracket Anders' shoulders, holding him as close as he can be as he begins to thrust brutally, just careful enough not to actually hurt him.]
[He braces himself with one hand, preparing for what's already promising to be the hardest fuck of his life from the urgency of Nate's fingers to how quickly he's taken. There are tears in his eyes again as he rocks up to meet the harsh thrusts - not from pain, but from fear and need and grief and a tiny ray of hope.]
I'll find a cure, [he says, breathless and strained.] We'll grow old together, and fuck anything that stands in our way.
[He'd failed Karl. Now he'll make certain he doesn't fail Nate, no matter what it takes.]
Yes, [Nathaniel gasps against his mouth, one hand moving to brace them both against the wall while the other grips Anders's shoulder hard enough to bruise.] Yes. We will find a cure if there is one to be found. And if anyone can do it, it's you. Maybe we've come through this, all of it, so that you can make this discovery. Maybe this was our purpose. We will outlive this.
[And he can't speak anymore. He doesn't have the breath for it. The bed screeches and strains beneath them.]
[The pain from Nate's grip anchors him and drives him. Nate is stunning, grey eyes determined and mirroring the passion that's driving Nate into him repeatedly and forcefully. Inside their little tent the temperature is getting to be stifling and Anders has no complaints.]
We will.
[It's repeated a couple of times before everything around him is enough and then too much, bringing him over the edge as relentlessly as Nate's cock pounds into him.]
Together, [he finally pants, shifting his hands to Nate's back so he can cling for dear life for the rest of the ride. He has given himself to this many fully, heart, body, soul, and mind, and he intends to keep it that way.]
[Maker, he loves it when he can bring Anders to climax without even touching his cock. It takes Nathaniel a moment longer after Anders has come down, before he is releasing hard into his body. As he gasps for breath, he nuzzles behind Anders' ear, till the moment is passed and he is spent utterly. Panting, he pulls out and reaches for a towel to clean them both off.]
Together, [he answers at last, collapsing by Anders' side.] In all things together, as in our vows.
[Anders helps clean them, maybe taking a little longer than needed with rubbing the fabric over Nate's cock, but once they're clean he's all too happy to lay with Nate and close his eyes. Between all of the emotions he's feeling and the sudden physical exertion, he's tired. Not too tired to roll onto his side and put an arm around Nate as he burrows close, though.]
Often after I'm done healing I go to the library and do some research on whatever's come up during the day. I'll start bringing the books here and working here when I need to do that.
[He'll find every bit of time he can with Nate. It's all he can give, and all he wants.]
That will be nice. [Reading, with Anders.] We can read together. Probably nothing I'll understand, but I like reading with you.
[He's not dying. Not yet. So much has gone wrong, but there is a glimmer of faith. Maybe the Maker has a plan for them after all. Maybe this crisis, along with all the things they have lived through, will provide the world with a cure. If not the world, then the Wardens.]
[It would be hard to put into words things Anders normally feels by magic, and condense down years and years of herblore learning, but he'd try if Nate wants. He'd be glad to share.]
Or not, it's up to you. I'd like to lean against you while I read. It'll be warmer.
[Focusing on the 'now' is something he's struggled with. There's only so many nows left, though, and he needs to embrace every single one.]
[He takes a shaky breath before nodding. With his foot he hooks one of the blankets and brings it up around them before shimmying out of his robes and then cuddling up against Nate again.]
I'll do my best.
[He's offered everything to Nate. How can he turn down this? Especially when he wants every moment he can have. Gently he kisses Nate's pec.]
I have you here right now. And you've me. And by the sounds of it, a widdle puppy that would like to be picked up and let onto the bed on your side.
[Purrelden hadn't hesitated when the blankets came up, making her way to Anders' pillow and hogging most of it as if it was all hers.]
[Right on time, there is a pitiable whimper from the ground. Nathaniel chuckles and pats the bed, inviting Lady up. The dog leaps up with remarkable agility--an advantage of her being so small--and walks up the bed to lick Anders' face. Mabari do understand what people say, and she knows Anders is the more shaken between the two of them. She turns to lick Nathaniel's hand after, as he pats her.]
She's a good widdle puppy, [he says contentedly, and Lady wags her tail so hard her entire butt sways with it. She then walks down to Nathaniel's feet and settles down on them.]
She licked my face, [Anders says in protest.] I got you a little one because they're not supposed to reach that.
[But he's not serious. She hadn't slobbered, and she hadn't licked Nate's face which means Anders can kiss all over it without any concerns. Instead he can focus on trying to relax and stay in the moment as he's surrounded by beings that care about him. Even with a tail that keeps landing on his ear, possibly deliberately.]
I...
[Anders stops himself and forces it back. In the now. No thoughts about how he should have been the one to fall to the calling first, and no probing with creation magic to see if he can sense anything different in Nate. He closes his eyes.]
[A soft sigh, and Nathaniel kisses him gently but firmly. Five years feels like a long time when Anders is this close, and the seconds are no faster than they were before.]
Your husband isn't as amazing as mine. Mine is turning heaven and earth to save me. And I will be at his side no matter what comes.
[Tears burn his eyes again at Nate's words before Anders takes a slow breath to fight them back. The now is good, and he's all right.]
You'd do the same for me. You stood for me with Hercules and the advisors, protecting me from the start. Even before I'd shown you how good I was at kissing. And bribed you with a puppy.
[There. He's already managing to sound a little better, at least.]
[Gentle fingers cup Anders' jaw, lift his face to look at him. Nathaniel isn't crying, but Nathaniel seldom does. His eyes express sentiment nonetheless, as keenly as tears would have.]
I love you. There is nothing you can do to make me feel otherwise.
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I don't ever want to lose you.
[As he spreads his legs, he knows exactly how he could try to keep Nate for too long. Letting go of him would be an impossibility. He'll cure Nate. Or if all else fails, he'll go with the man. He can't allow him to suffer so much he has to ask for death. He won't.
Anders reaches up to thread his fingers through Nate's hair and urge his head down so he can have another kiss. With his other hand he reaches down to undo the ties on Nate's breeches. If the moment were less serious he'd joke about both wearing skirts but he can't. Not right now. Once open he's palming Nate's cock and urging it to full hardness.]
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His arms bracket Anders' shoulders, holding him as close as he can be as he begins to thrust brutally, just careful enough not to actually hurt him.]
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I'll find a cure, [he says, breathless and strained.] We'll grow old together, and fuck anything that stands in our way.
[He'd failed Karl. Now he'll make certain he doesn't fail Nate, no matter what it takes.]
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[And he can't speak anymore. He doesn't have the breath for it. The bed screeches and strains beneath them.]
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We will.
[It's repeated a couple of times before everything around him is enough and then too much, bringing him over the edge as relentlessly as Nate's cock pounds into him.]
Together, [he finally pants, shifting his hands to Nate's back so he can cling for dear life for the rest of the ride. He has given himself to this many fully, heart, body, soul, and mind, and he intends to keep it that way.]
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Together, [he answers at last, collapsing by Anders' side.] In all things together, as in our vows.
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Often after I'm done healing I go to the library and do some research on whatever's come up during the day. I'll start bringing the books here and working here when I need to do that.
[He'll find every bit of time he can with Nate. It's all he can give, and all he wants.]
I am yours.
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[He's not dying. Not yet. So much has gone wrong, but there is a glimmer of faith. Maybe the Maker has a plan for them after all. Maybe this crisis, along with all the things they have lived through, will provide the world with a cure. If not the world, then the Wardens.]
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[It would be hard to put into words things Anders normally feels by magic, and condense down years and years of herblore learning, but he'd try if Nate wants. He'd be glad to share.]
Or not, it's up to you. I'd like to lean against you while I read. It'll be warmer.
[Focusing on the 'now' is something he's struggled with. There's only so many nows left, though, and he needs to embrace every single one.]
Like right now is warm.
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Right now is warm. Please. Let everything be right now, while it can be. In case I...can't hold up long enough.
[He knows his body is not dying around him yet. He knows it will still be some time. But knowing is its own disease.]
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I'll do my best.
[He's offered everything to Nate. How can he turn down this? Especially when he wants every moment he can have. Gently he kisses Nate's pec.]
I have you here right now. And you've me. And by the sounds of it, a widdle puppy that would like to be picked up and let onto the bed on your side.
[Purrelden hadn't hesitated when the blankets came up, making her way to Anders' pillow and hogging most of it as if it was all hers.]
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She's a good widdle puppy, [he says contentedly, and Lady wags her tail so hard her entire butt sways with it. She then walks down to Nathaniel's feet and settles down on them.]
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[But he's not serious. She hadn't slobbered, and she hadn't licked Nate's face which means Anders can kiss all over it without any concerns. Instead he can focus on trying to relax and stay in the moment as he's surrounded by beings that care about him. Even with a tail that keeps landing on his ear, possibly deliberately.]
I...
[Anders stops himself and forces it back. In the now. No thoughts about how he should have been the one to fall to the calling first, and no probing with creation magic to see if he can sense anything different in Nate. He closes his eyes.]
She's a good dog. And you are an amazing husband.
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Your husband isn't as amazing as mine. Mine is turning heaven and earth to save me. And I will be at his side no matter what comes.
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You'd do the same for me. You stood for me with Hercules and the advisors, protecting me from the start. Even before I'd shown you how good I was at kissing. And bribed you with a puppy.
[There. He's already managing to sound a little better, at least.]
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I love you. There is nothing you can do to make me feel otherwise.
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I love you too. My heart is yours, for all of time.