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[Nathaniel fits Anders against himself and starts reading again. The reading continues until his vision is blurring and he has to put down the book. He wraps his arms around Anders tightly.]

You're... [he's not as good at this as some people, not even as good as Tabris, but it needs to be said.] You're dear to me, Anders. I'm always here for you.

Mmm. I care about you too. [He's quiet for a moment and then adds,] Sometimes I think I'm unworthy of you.

[A soft huff.]

I wouldn't have gone down a very different path, if it weren't for Tabris. The only difference is that I had a chance you didn't.

I don't know many people who would agree with that.

They don't matter.

[For all that he fusses about reputation and gossip with Tabris, it somehow makes little difference with Anders. Maybe because the exchange is very different. If he slept with Tabris, the only benefit would be sleeping with her. But Anders is a whole person, and reputation seems like a small price to pay for one person. Maybe Nathaniel has been lying to himself all this time anyway, thinking he could salvage something from the ashes of his family's honor. He would rather know his own honor for what it is, and he couldn't live with himself if he rejected Anders.]

You matter, to me. You deserve love and respect.

[Anders hums a bit at that and then moves his head to nuzzle Nathaniel's neck.]

You too. [He mutters softly]

[It's hard to spout denials after what he just said. And maybe Anders is right, though Nathaniel flinches at it. If people should be loved and respected, he can't exclude himself.

He kisses close to Anders' ear and wonders if they're in a relationship after all. But no, Anders is mad about Hawke. Nathaniel's feelings only make half of the picture.]

I'm glad we found each other again. And I...don't want you to disappear again when this is done. I want you to stay.

Stay with you? That would be dangerous wouldn't it? Once our contracts are over, they'll send us back home. You don't want to be the Warden traveling with me...

You could come back to the Wardens. [Nathaniel takes a deep breath.] Even if you don't fight with us again, if you just stayed, you'd be protected. You don't have to be alone.

Edited Date: 2015-05-04 12:52 pm (UTC)

[He sighs a bit.]

I don't know if that's the case.

Don't you? There's a man who has done worse things than you have, who has been with the Wardens ten years.

[Loghain.]

Worse, perhaps. But that was before the Joining. I'm after it.

[A soft snort.]

I might be the last person who should be saying this, but darkspawn blood doesn't wash away sin. Nobody has forgotten what Loghain did to the Wardens. And if anything is going to make you look not so bad, it'll be standing next to him. Anyway there are those who remember you from before. They'll remember what Tabris and I do.

[He kisses Anders gently on the brow.]

Think about it. You don't have to make up your mind any time soon. It might not be a perfectly happy life, but you'd have a roof and a bed and food in your belly. I'd think that would be better than being alone, hungry, and on the run.

[Anders sighs softly, feeling comforted by the kisses and the fact that he's still being held.]

You'll be there?

Of course I'll be there.

[His tone is gentle and confident. He's not leaving the Wardens. That's his chosen path now, and he loves the life it has given him.]

Then it might not be so bad.

Minus the Deep Roads. Can I just stay on the surface?

I think you can. [Considering most of the Wardens may not be crazy about Anders being stuck with them in a confined space...yeah, easy enough thing to guarantee.] I'd wager you could spend most of your time at the keep, if you prefer.

[Safe.]

Maybe I could spend it in your bed? [He offers with a certain amount of lechery in his voice.]

I wouldn't dare to try to keep you out of it. [A smile, and Nathaniel leans in for a kiss.]

[Anders returns the kiss and hums happily.]

Thank you...

Just think about it.

[One more kiss, and Nathaniel tucks him against his chest.]

I need to sleep. Stay with me?

Of course. I need to sleep too so that sounds like a good idea. I should... get changed.

[He pulls up slowly and then starts to undress.]

I will.

Think about it.