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[Nathaniel's fingers stroke along the hair at Anders' temples, then down behind his ears where the skin is so soft.]
If that's true...then the Maker...can hang, [he gasps between pants. It feels deliciously wicked.] Watch from his golden seat...as two of his unwanted children...take their pleasure.
If that's true...then the Maker...can hang, [he gasps between pants. It feels deliciously wicked.] Watch from his golden seat...as two of his unwanted children...take their pleasure.
I want you. You'll never be unwanted so long as I'm here.
[Nate's fingers feel so good in his hair, and the panting tells Anders everything he wants to know. Slowly Anders lets the lightning play over Nate's stomach as he kisses the archer's hip, talking between presses of his lips.]
And Andraste will be shocked by the amount of pleasure I intend for you to take tonight if she cares to watch as well.
[Nate's fingers feel so good in his hair, and the panting tells Anders everything he wants to know. Slowly Anders lets the lightning play over Nate's stomach as he kisses the archer's hip, talking between presses of his lips.]
And Andraste will be shocked by the amount of pleasure I intend for you to take tonight if she cares to watch as well.
[ Hours or moments after the calling winds to an abrupt end, Adelaide attempts to send word. Any kind of word to anyone she thinks has something they need to hear if (when) she does not make it back. Her voice is warped, lilting, almost completely overwhelmed by the strange sighs of the Fade. ]
Nathaniel- in Skyhold, in my room there is a leather book with blue binding that has all my notes on the rituals we have done, the rituals we have yet to perform, and several more that may yet come to something. All of my notes and all you will need to see this through without me should be there. If none of them work- there is a bottle of magebane mixed with a sleeping draught in a phial set into the back, with instructions on how to enter the fade and kill a spirit.
We're trapped- some of us. Most of us. We can't find a way back-
Finish this, as I cannot.
Nathaniel- in Skyhold, in my room there is a leather book with blue binding that has all my notes on the rituals we have done, the rituals we have yet to perform, and several more that may yet come to something. All of my notes and all you will need to see this through without me should be there. If none of them work- there is a bottle of magebane mixed with a sleeping draught in a phial set into the back, with instructions on how to enter the fade and kill a spirit.
We're trapped- some of us. Most of us. We can't find a way back-
Finish this, as I cannot.
[He has no faith. The Chantry and interpretations of Andraste have brought him so much pain and suffering that he refuses to treat anything as sacred. Except Nate.
Anders begins working at making a mark on Nate's hip as his fingers continue down, pausing right next to Nate's cock teasingly before instead he slides them between Nate's asscheeks.]
Reach into my pocket and get the oil for me, would you?
Anders begins working at making a mark on Nate's hip as his fingers continue down, pausing right next to Nate's cock teasingly before instead he slides them between Nate's asscheeks.]
Reach into my pocket and get the oil for me, would you?
[It takes some fumbling. It's been a very long time since anyone did this to him, and he's a bit nervous. What it will be like with electric fingers, he can't even imagine. He passes the oil down to Anders and lies back, taking a deep breath and watching the sky.]
[He can feel the tension in Nate's body and Anders moves upward so he can kiss Nate's lips.]
I won't hurt you.
[The lightning's stopped as he starts to slick the cleft of Nate's ass, fingers gliding very slowly, soothingly.]
I love you. If you're not comfortable with this, we can do something else.
I won't hurt you.
[The lightning's stopped as he starts to slick the cleft of Nate's ass, fingers gliding very slowly, soothingly.]
I love you. If you're not comfortable with this, we can do something else.
[He smiles back, looking into his lover's eyes before nodding.]
I could suck your cock while I finger you, let you fuck my mouth, if you'd like. That's certainly something you'll not be out of practice with. Or, [a finger teases the ring of muscles far lower,] I could turn, and let you suck on me while I suck you and finger you. Your call.
I could suck your cock while I finger you, let you fuck my mouth, if you'd like. That's certainly something you'll not be out of practice with. Or, [a finger teases the ring of muscles far lower,] I could turn, and let you suck on me while I suck you and finger you. Your call.
[His breath catches and he nods, sitting up to undo his robes and then scoot his leggings down his thighs. Anders takes his time positioning himself over Nate's head, savoring the anticipation, before bending forward and pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the tip of Nate's cock.
A little more oil is added before his fingers return to where they'd been, one starting to nudge inward with great care.]
A little more oil is added before his fingers return to where they'd been, one starting to nudge inward with great care.]
Purrelden's playing with Anders' hair, batting it, getting a little tangled from time to time, but Anders makes no move to pull her out of it. Rather, he's lying there quietly. He's heard nothing from Adelaide or Martel in some time, and while no news at least means she's still alive, it doesn't mean anything else good.
After a few moments of silence, Anders looks over at Nate, trying to figure out how to say something. He has to. He needs to communicate. He wants so badly to do this right, so that Nate knows what's going on, rather than risk misunderstandings or messes.
He reaches out to take Nate's hand first as he searches for words.
After a few moments of silence, Anders looks over at Nate, trying to figure out how to say something. He has to. He needs to communicate. He wants so badly to do this right, so that Nate knows what's going on, rather than risk misunderstandings or messes.
He reaches out to take Nate's hand first as he searches for words.
Nathaniel mistakes Anders' silence for being related to what happened at Weisshaupt. There has been a lot to think about lately. Adelaide is in the back of his mind, the alarming nature of her message, the burden she placed before him. How could he hope to continue where she left off? Bethany can make something of her notes, but Nathaniel is no mage. Adelaide was more than a researcher in this. She was a leader and a friend.
Nathaniel squeezes Anders' hand. He has no other encouragement to give.
Nathaniel squeezes Anders' hand. He has no other encouragement to give.
He squeezes back.
"I got, while at Weisshaupt, I got a message from Adelaide. She doesn't think she's making it out of the Fade. And I..." Anders breaks off and squeezes his eyes shut. "I don't want to lose her, Nate. I care about her." He doesn't even know how to say this. What if he shouldn't? But not telling Nate would be worse, because Nate's already worried when Anders flirts sometimes. If Nate knows when Anders has feelings, then he doesn't have to worry about other flirting as there's nothing there.
"I got, while at Weisshaupt, I got a message from Adelaide. She doesn't think she's making it out of the Fade. And I..." Anders breaks off and squeezes his eyes shut. "I don't want to lose her, Nate. I care about her." He doesn't even know how to say this. What if he shouldn't? But not telling Nate would be worse, because Nate's already worried when Anders flirts sometimes. If Nate knows when Anders has feelings, then he doesn't have to worry about other flirting as there's nothing there.
Very Orlesian about showing it is definitely one way to put it, but he does know Adelaide cares when she's not working to be cold. He curls up against Nate, searching for words.
"It's not just..." He takes a shaky breath. "I think I should say this so that you know, so that it's not like I'm hiding something, but the stress of the rituals and then this... I've feelings for her too. I love you. I absolutely love you. I don't know how or why I can feel for someone else as well, but you should know all of this and that I love you and want to be open and honest with you."
"It's not just..." He takes a shaky breath. "I think I should say this so that you know, so that it's not like I'm hiding something, but the stress of the rituals and then this... I've feelings for her too. I love you. I absolutely love you. I don't know how or why I can feel for someone else as well, but you should know all of this and that I love you and want to be open and honest with you."
Nathaniel isn't entirely surprised. There is hurt, yes, but from a blow he partly expected would come anyway. He's never been enough for anyone, and Anders has a history.
"All right," he says calmly, then suddenly stands up, pulling out of Anders' grasp. "All right." He starts pacing the tent. "Yes. Yes, you had to tell me. It's not like I could have foreseen that you'd move on to something else once things are too good. That's not in your history at all."
"All right," he says calmly, then suddenly stands up, pulling out of Anders' grasp. "All right." He starts pacing the tent. "Yes. Yes, you had to tell me. It's not like I could have foreseen that you'd move on to something else once things are too good. That's not in your history at all."
Edited 2016-06-02 20:11 (UTC)
He blinks, staring, feeling like he's just been kicked in the gut by the history line.
"I... What?" And too good, too? "When has my life even approached too good? I've left when things got--that wasn't what I was saying!" The amount of doubt in him that he's hearing from Nate's words is entirely unexpected, and it hurts.
"Have you trusted me this little all along?"
"I... What?" And too good, too? "When has my life even approached too good? I've left when things got--that wasn't what I was saying!" The amount of doubt in him that he's hearing from Nate's words is entirely unexpected, and it hurts.
"Have you trusted me this little all along?"
In spite of doubt. Nate had doubted him. The one person who had called him still good, who'd seemed to show every bit of faith in Anders that Anders couldn't have in himself, had doubted him. Anders feels horribly heavy, and it's not helped by the smug gloating he's getting from Justice. How could someone have faith in an abomination?
"I'm not pining! I'm not... I was trying to communicate! To talk! You got nervous about Zevran no matter how many times I told you he was a friend, despite what he did for us, I thought if you knew when there were feelings then you'd not worry when there weren't any, that you'd... That you would trust me. Not get up and be ready to walk away because you'd no faith."
"I'm not pining! I'm not... I was trying to communicate! To talk! You got nervous about Zevran no matter how many times I told you he was a friend, despite what he did for us, I thought if you knew when there were feelings then you'd not worry when there weren't any, that you'd... That you would trust me. Not get up and be ready to walk away because you'd no faith."
"I'm not walking away."
Nathaniel sits back down beside him, head buzzing, not sure why this is suddenly his fault. Maybe it is. Maybe he's just being over-jealous. But Anders isn't saying he's leaving. Yet.
"More times than I can count, you've kept trying to convince me you're not worth it. You keep preparing me for something. As if you know something I don't. Who am I to believe, the Anders who tells me this is too good to last, or the Anders who tells me I have too little faith in him?"
Nathaniel sits back down beside him, head buzzing, not sure why this is suddenly his fault. Maybe it is. Maybe he's just being over-jealous. But Anders isn't saying he's leaving. Yet.
"More times than I can count, you've kept trying to convince me you're not worth it. You keep preparing me for something. As if you know something I don't. Who am I to believe, the Anders who tells me this is too good to last, or the Anders who tells me I have too little faith in him?"
With no ready answer for that, Anders looks away. He doesn't deserve any of this but it goes both ways. He doesn't deserve the good, and he doesn't deserve Nate's mistrust. He'd been trying to do things right this time, make certain that he didn't mess up, and now this has gone wrong like everything always does.
"Well. You're the one who knows my history." The word's barbed. "It's your call what you decide to believe or trust or do."
His history is a tale of him winding up alone, over and over, and Anders can't muster the strength to ask Nate to stay. He can't. He can't have that thrown back at him if he's left alone yet again.
"Well. You're the one who knows my history." The word's barbed. "It's your call what you decide to believe or trust or do."
His history is a tale of him winding up alone, over and over, and Anders can't muster the strength to ask Nate to stay. He can't. He can't have that thrown back at him if he's left alone yet again.
"I believe..."
Nathaniel's hands are shaking. One rubs at his face. Anders is still here. He's not leaving. And here they are hurting each other, like the Howes do. And who was it who started the hurting?
"I'm going for a walk to calm down." He needs to stop trembling. "Afterward, I'll come back and we can talk about this again. All right?"
Nathaniel's hands are shaking. One rubs at his face. Anders is still here. He's not leaving. And here they are hurting each other, like the Howes do. And who was it who started the hurting?
"I'm going for a walk to calm down." He needs to stop trembling. "Afterward, I'll come back and we can talk about this again. All right?"
Everything says he shouldn't let Nate walk away. Why would Nate come back? For him?But he can't force someone to stay with him, and so Anders nods.
"All right." Anders can't look up, can only stare at Purrelden as she bats at his robe tie trying to become the focus of attention again. His voice is as limp as the tie. "When you're back."
He's messed it up. Again. And he's going to be alone. Again. And it's probably better this way, because he can't see the rituals succeeding and Nate hadn't wanted to deal with Justice in the first place - a thought he can't pin down as Justice's alone or both, and he's too tired to try.
"All right." Anders can't look up, can only stare at Purrelden as she bats at his robe tie trying to become the focus of attention again. His voice is as limp as the tie. "When you're back."
He's messed it up. Again. And he's going to be alone. Again. And it's probably better this way, because he can't see the rituals succeeding and Nate hadn't wanted to deal with Justice in the first place - a thought he can't pin down as Justice's alone or both, and he's too tired to try.
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