He always feels better when someone's laughing. Anders kisses back, letting the touches linger, before opening his eyes and looking at Nate, leaning against that palm.
"If you're all right talking about it, yes. Or it can wait. I truly don't want to hurt you."
He relaxes against Nate. Nate says he's fine so Anders will take him at his word. It hurt to feel distrusted, after all.
"As... As Detlef, I shared a few moments with her. I was certain I'd not just slammed that door but utterly destroyed it thanks to my deception, and didn't think on it further for some time. Until we were stuck telling the truth. Even that didn't say as much as realizing she could be trapped in the Fade and there's nothing I can do about it." Anders exhales, trying not to dwell on it. There's still fear there, though.
"It turns out I still feel things, a lot of things. I don't know how to stop. I don't know that I want to stop, but I do know that I absolutely love you and am not lacking for anything. This isn't because of you, this is because apparently my emotions are not in touch with my head."
Anders needs to be trusted. Until he comes to a time when he can trust and forgive himself, Nathaniel must be his trust and forgiveness. It's just a matter of time.
"I believe you. I'm sorry I was jealous. Adelaide is a very special woman, and...you and she make sense. More sense than you and I do. That's why I was jealous. I don't want to be jealous any more than you want to have feelings for her."
He reaches up and pushes Nate's hair back, palm resting on the man's cheek.
"Warden and warden make the most sense of all, even if we ignore how I feel about you. We've secrets that we can't share with those who aren't Wardens, and you know more about me than anyone else. You make me feel safe and cherished, Nate. There is no making more sense."
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He brings a hand up to stroke Anders' cheek. "Do you want to talk about Adelaide?"
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"If you're all right talking about it, yes. Or it can wait. I truly don't want to hurt you."
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"I'm fine." One more kiss on his cheek. "Talk to me."
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"As... As Detlef, I shared a few moments with her. I was certain I'd not just slammed that door but utterly destroyed it thanks to my deception, and didn't think on it further for some time. Until we were stuck telling the truth. Even that didn't say as much as realizing she could be trapped in the Fade and there's nothing I can do about it." Anders exhales, trying not to dwell on it. There's still fear there, though.
"It turns out I still feel things, a lot of things. I don't know how to stop. I don't know that I want to stop, but I do know that I absolutely love you and am not lacking for anything. This isn't because of you, this is because apparently my emotions are not in touch with my head."
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"I believe you. I'm sorry I was jealous. Adelaide is a very special woman, and...you and she make sense. More sense than you and I do. That's why I was jealous. I don't want to be jealous any more than you want to have feelings for her."
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"Warden and warden make the most sense of all, even if we ignore how I feel about you. We've secrets that we can't share with those who aren't Wardens, and you know more about me than anyone else. You make me feel safe and cherished, Nate. There is no making more sense."
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"And you make me feel loved and wanted. You're right. Nothing in the world makes more sense."