He limps over, feeling like the lowest of scum. He knows Nate will help him, and he's put the man in how much danger simply by sharing a tent? This is use. This is why he's short on friends, because he does this to them and doesn't know how to stop.
"Will you help me back to camp?" The question is quiet, and Anders can't manage to meet the archer's eyes.
"Will you help me back to camp?" The question is quiet, and Anders can't manage to meet the archer's eyes.
Nathaniel had looked toward the scuffle when Twisted Fate and Nerva had started screaming. Anders had been...strange, like he was breaking apart and blue light was coming from the cracks in him. He can only imagine what was going on. Who started what, what magic was involved.
He quietly takes Anders' hand so he can pull his arm around his shoulders, using his other arm to hold Anders' waist. He doesn't say anything, for now. Now is when he needs to take Anders back to camp. Then, it will be a matter of cleaning him up and getting him in dry clothes.
He quietly takes Anders' hand so he can pull his arm around his shoulders, using his other arm to hold Anders' waist. He doesn't say anything, for now. Now is when he needs to take Anders back to camp. Then, it will be a matter of cleaning him up and getting him in dry clothes.
Nate? I've a favor to ask for tonight.
I was wondering if you'd like to do something tomorrow. Something a little out of the ordinary.
Nathaniel.
[Bethany's voice is quiet, almost hoarse.]
I cannot raise Senior Warden Hansen, so this information falls to you.
[A sharp breath inhaled.]
They're dead. They're all dead. Including a dozen Circle mages - I don't recognize them but I have their effects. Blood magic, every last one.
[Bethany's voice is quiet, almost hoarse.]
I cannot raise Senior Warden Hansen, so this information falls to you.
[A sharp breath inhaled.]
They're dead. They're all dead. Including a dozen Circle mages - I don't recognize them but I have their effects. Blood magic, every last one.
[ Hours or moments after the calling winds to an abrupt end, Adelaide attempts to send word. Any kind of word to anyone she thinks has something they need to hear if (when) she does not make it back. Her voice is warped, lilting, almost completely overwhelmed by the strange sighs of the Fade. ]
Nathaniel- in Skyhold, in my room there is a leather book with blue binding that has all my notes on the rituals we have done, the rituals we have yet to perform, and several more that may yet come to something. All of my notes and all you will need to see this through without me should be there. If none of them work- there is a bottle of magebane mixed with a sleeping draught in a phial set into the back, with instructions on how to enter the fade and kill a spirit.
We're trapped- some of us. Most of us. We can't find a way back-
Finish this, as I cannot.
Nathaniel- in Skyhold, in my room there is a leather book with blue binding that has all my notes on the rituals we have done, the rituals we have yet to perform, and several more that may yet come to something. All of my notes and all you will need to see this through without me should be there. If none of them work- there is a bottle of magebane mixed with a sleeping draught in a phial set into the back, with instructions on how to enter the fade and kill a spirit.
We're trapped- some of us. Most of us. We can't find a way back-
Finish this, as I cannot.
Purrelden's playing with Anders' hair, batting it, getting a little tangled from time to time, but Anders makes no move to pull her out of it. Rather, he's lying there quietly. He's heard nothing from Adelaide or Martel in some time, and while no news at least means she's still alive, it doesn't mean anything else good.
After a few moments of silence, Anders looks over at Nate, trying to figure out how to say something. He has to. He needs to communicate. He wants so badly to do this right, so that Nate knows what's going on, rather than risk misunderstandings or messes.
He reaches out to take Nate's hand first as he searches for words.
After a few moments of silence, Anders looks over at Nate, trying to figure out how to say something. He has to. He needs to communicate. He wants so badly to do this right, so that Nate knows what's going on, rather than risk misunderstandings or messes.
He reaches out to take Nate's hand first as he searches for words.
Nathaniel mistakes Anders' silence for being related to what happened at Weisshaupt. There has been a lot to think about lately. Adelaide is in the back of his mind, the alarming nature of her message, the burden she placed before him. How could he hope to continue where she left off? Bethany can make something of her notes, but Nathaniel is no mage. Adelaide was more than a researcher in this. She was a leader and a friend.
Nathaniel squeezes Anders' hand. He has no other encouragement to give.
Nathaniel squeezes Anders' hand. He has no other encouragement to give.
[From here]
He steps closer, keeping his eyes at a point just below Nate's chin because one doesn't simply look in the eyes of their lord. He thinks. It's not easy when he can see Nate looking him over. His heartrate speeds up a little as he slowly reaches up to open his robes a hair while stepping forward.
"I'm... as you can see, my lord." This is most definitely Justice's most-hated game, the spirit has decided, but at least he's not interfering. "Strong, skilled with my hands, in excellent shape and health..."
He steps closer, keeping his eyes at a point just below Nate's chin because one doesn't simply look in the eyes of their lord. He thinks. It's not easy when he can see Nate looking him over. His heartrate speeds up a little as he slowly reaches up to open his robes a hair while stepping forward.
"I'm... as you can see, my lord." This is most definitely Justice's most-hated game, the spirit has decided, but at least he's not interfering. "Strong, skilled with my hands, in excellent shape and health..."
Nathaniel knows he should feel ashamed of himself, playing in what is practically a rape fantasy. But the point of these fantasies is that those things are set to one side and there is full consent in reality, so the fantasy matters little.
He reaches out and opens those robes a little more, taking a good long look.
"I can see you are healthy," he says quietly, "and have a pleasing form. Come with me, and we will discuss this further."
He offers his hand to Anders, prepared to lead him to the tent.
He reaches out and opens those robes a little more, taking a good long look.
"I can see you are healthy," he says quietly, "and have a pleasing form. Come with me, and we will discuss this further."
He offers his hand to Anders, prepared to lead him to the tent.
Sending Crystal, shortly after her conversation with Anders
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fleurdesel
2016-06-07 12:07 am (UTC)(link)
Nathaniel- I'm alive.
[ Well, that ought go without saying. But what else should she say? What is the protocol for this? What is he to her even, aside from a collaborator? ]
You may disregard my previous message.
[ Nailed it. ]
[ Well, that ought go without saying. But what else should she say? What is the protocol for this? What is he to her even, aside from a collaborator? ]
You may disregard my previous message.
[ Nailed it. ]
Nathaniel, you're dating someone, right? So, uh. Have you ever been on a date? Like. With another person and food and uh. That stuff.
I don't know how you love me when all I do is fail.
[He sounds exhausted and on the verge of tears.]
[He sounds exhausted and on the verge of tears.]
"So—"
Whatever Nathaniel is doing, around the camp or in the guild house, consider it interrupted. Alistair comes to stand alongside him with his arms folded behind his back. He's not looking forward to this. Or he is looking forward to the beginning—the beginning that he's just made up right this moment, in the pause after that dash—but not the rest of it.
"—with Blackwall gone, we should talk," he says, "about your fraternization."
Whatever Nathaniel is doing, around the camp or in the guild house, consider it interrupted. Alistair comes to stand alongside him with his arms folded behind his back. He's not looking forward to this. Or he is looking forward to the beginning—the beginning that he's just made up right this moment, in the pause after that dash—but not the rest of it.
"—with Blackwall gone, we should talk," he says, "about your fraternization."
After the afterparty, may as well just put an NSFW tag on because yeah...
justice_is_blond
2016-11-03 11:13 pm (UTC)(link)
He wakes up in his favorite place - nestled against Nate, buried in blankets with a warm lump down by his ankles that tells him exactly where Purrelden is. For several moments he stays there, listening to the archer's heartbeat happily, until he hears the shift in Nate's breathing that means the man is waking up.
"Hello there." It's quiet, not meant to jar Nate, simply greet him. They'd had a long (though good) day yesterday, and Anders is content to linger here for once rather than heading up the hill right away.
"Hello there." It's quiet, not meant to jar Nate, simply greet him. They'd had a long (though good) day yesterday, and Anders is content to linger here for once rather than heading up the hill right away.
Nathaniel smiles sleepily at Anders, stretching the kinks out of his back. Maker, did they ever have a day. And now is...
Now is even better, somehow.
He leans up to kiss him, gentle and chaste, before deciding adulting is for the birds and wrapping his arms around him and carrying him back down to bed. He snuggles against him and closes his eyes as if he is about to go back to sleep with half his weight on his partner.
Now is even better, somehow.
He leans up to kiss him, gentle and chaste, before deciding adulting is for the birds and wrapping his arms around him and carrying him back down to bed. He snuggles against him and closes his eyes as if he is about to go back to sleep with half his weight on his partner.
I miss you. And your face. I almost miss the thing that is constantly trying to overtake your chin. Please tell me you haven't lost that battle.
[ Between disasters/adventures, Alistair comes to stand beside Nathaniel by the fire in the camp, and -- miraculously -- doesn't say anything for a few seconds. He has been broody lately, but usually picking at Nathaniel would make him feel better. Right now it would probably make him feel better, too, actually. But -- ]
I need your advice, [ he finally manages to say. He does not sound happy about it. ]
I need your advice, [ he finally manages to say. He does not sound happy about it. ]
[Alistair has been getting some unusual treatment from Nathaniel lately. There has been no insult, no picking of fights, no glowering. A little scowling, maybe, but Nathaniel's expression usually defaults to a scowl. But when he sees Alistair, the scowl softens into something rather more guilty. He's polite to him. There's no sarcasm. He doesn't get baited into squabbles. This is, of course, Nathaniel trying to be nice to Alistair for a long enough period of time for Alistair to sufficiently recover from being farmed for blood. It's awkward.
So instead of trying to scrape up a witty retort, Nathaniel makes a slight face before evening out and bobbing his head.]
What about?
So instead of trying to scrape up a witty retort, Nathaniel makes a slight face before evening out and bobbing his head.]
What about?
Once they're back, Anders actually takes a little bit of time off, away from the healing tents, away from the chaos. He feels threadbare, like robes that are on the verge of tearing the next time they're washed. It's not the first time he's felt like this, not by a long shot, but it's the first time he's had breathing room and time after without another voice in his head.
He moves a little woodenly through the first day, staying vaguely in Nate's orbit while trying to not be too clingy or too annoying. The last thing he wants to do is aggravate the man who somehow loves him.
He moves a little woodenly through the first day, staying vaguely in Nate's orbit while trying to not be too clingy or too annoying. The last thing he wants to do is aggravate the man who somehow loves him.
[ At some point, Alistair hears something from someone, apparently, because a day or so after The Fight he storms up to him—if one can storm while dragging one foot, whatever, his face is stormy. But his voice is quiet, and the area is relatively deserted, because he doesn't want to make a scene. ]
What in the Maker's name happened with Teren?
What in the Maker's name happened with Teren?
[Sometimes James really questions his life choices.]
So I understand there was an altercation between one of my Templars and one of your Wardens.
So I understand there was an altercation between one of my Templars and one of your Wardens.
[A grunt.] Knight-Commander, a death threat against Anders is worth almost nothing. We already have a hundred or more, and we're not entirely sure where to put this one but it has to go in with all the rest and wait its turn. Anders was doing his job. See that your man behaves himself and we'll be fine.
[Continued from here.]
Once they're out of sight of the Templars, Anders sags against Nate. Everything still stings but he needs that contact, needs to be held.
"I didn't... I didn't even do anything wrong, and you yelled. You yelled, for the sake of, of, of Templars." His voice is choked. "I was trying to do the right thing. Cade got an ally, got support from Norrington, but you lead them to pile on me. Cade gets a bow, I don't even think he apologized! And you..."
He can't wrap his head around the why. He hears Nate's words, but it's the finger pointed at him as the carpet was yanked out from under him that keeps replaying in his mind.
"I tried to do the right thing." It's practically a plea. Whether he does right or he does wrong, he loses and he feels lost.
Once they're out of sight of the Templars, Anders sags against Nate. Everything still stings but he needs that contact, needs to be held.
"I didn't... I didn't even do anything wrong, and you yelled. You yelled, for the sake of, of, of Templars." His voice is choked. "I was trying to do the right thing. Cade got an ally, got support from Norrington, but you lead them to pile on me. Cade gets a bow, I don't even think he apologized! And you..."
He can't wrap his head around the why. He hears Nate's words, but it's the finger pointed at him as the carpet was yanked out from under him that keeps replaying in his mind.
"I tried to do the right thing." It's practically a plea. Whether he does right or he does wrong, he loses and he feels lost.
[He's quiet when he comes back from talking with Teren, still feeling numb. Purrelden is in his arms, but Anders isn't really paying much attention to her, mutely patting her when she pushes against his hand. Instead, what shards of focus he has are spent sitting down next to Nate and leaning against him.
He's supposed to go first. He's the one that's fucked up everywhere. This isn't right; this isn't fair.]
He's supposed to go first. He's the one that's fucked up everywhere. This isn't right; this isn't fair.]
In the end, he didn't get Nate's coin back. Taking it from people, even people who didn't do the work, was cruel. Later he can talk to Nate about maybe not pre-paying, but for now, he's at least satisfied with what he'd accomplished with Alistair. It might show in the lightness of his step when he comes in to the room, or the way he greets Nate before he greets his cat - a kiss to the former, followed by a murmur and a treat for the latter.
"You'll never guess where I've just come from."
"You'll never guess where I've just come from."
Nathaniel is on the bed, having set aside a book and started just lounging with his hands tucked behind his head and contemplating the ceiling. He comes alive when Anders enters, and he sits up and scoots back against the pillows, hoping for a cuddle.
"Well, you haven't brought anything with you. I'll guess the Gallows."
"Well, you haven't brought anything with you. I'll guess the Gallows."
You got a minute?
[He's, um, got a bit of a request.]
[He's, um, got a bit of a request.]
It feels like a slap in the face when Anders hears the news. It feels like he's been deluding himself into thinking that he's liked and a part of the group all over again, and it has him trying to figure out if he's fooling himself for the rest of the day.
By the time evening falls and he's stumbled his way back to the warehouse, he hasn't decided. Nate passed him over, despite everything he's done, despite how many Darkspawn he'd fought while holding Amaranthine fortress, because what? He'd been betrayed by the Wardens and had to flee? All he knows is he's frustrated and hurt and having doubts all over again about his choices.
When Nate gets home, the glance he gets isn't happy to see him or warm. It's defensive, because Anders isn't sure what sort of shields he needs here or even how to put them up anymore against Nate.
"So I'll just be the, what, junior Warden, the one the Wardens took in to spare his life, but can't show any sort of acceptance for? I've been a Warden longer than them. I've done more than they have. I've put my trust back in the Wardens, but the Wardens can't put theirs back in me? The only reason I left was because I got betrayed by the Wardens."
Now that he's speaking he knows what he's feeling: betrayal all over again, and like he'll never get anywhere no matter what he does if even the one who claims to love him can't show any faith in him publicly.
"You tell me I'm a good person in private, but then tell the world that you can't believe in me or stand behind me. One of those comes across much louder than the other."
And comes across as the true sentiment. Anything can be whispered behind closed doors. This is public.
By the time evening falls and he's stumbled his way back to the warehouse, he hasn't decided. Nate passed him over, despite everything he's done, despite how many Darkspawn he'd fought while holding Amaranthine fortress, because what? He'd been betrayed by the Wardens and had to flee? All he knows is he's frustrated and hurt and having doubts all over again about his choices.
When Nate gets home, the glance he gets isn't happy to see him or warm. It's defensive, because Anders isn't sure what sort of shields he needs here or even how to put them up anymore against Nate.
"So I'll just be the, what, junior Warden, the one the Wardens took in to spare his life, but can't show any sort of acceptance for? I've been a Warden longer than them. I've done more than they have. I've put my trust back in the Wardens, but the Wardens can't put theirs back in me? The only reason I left was because I got betrayed by the Wardens."
Now that he's speaking he knows what he's feeling: betrayal all over again, and like he'll never get anywhere no matter what he does if even the one who claims to love him can't show any faith in him publicly.
"You tell me I'm a good person in private, but then tell the world that you can't believe in me or stand behind me. One of those comes across much louder than the other."
And comes across as the true sentiment. Anything can be whispered behind closed doors. This is public.
Edited 2017-04-20 03:29 (UTC)
There's a soft sigh from Nathaniel. He moves to sit beside his husband, elbows on his knees, fingers interlaced.
"Anders, Senior Warden is not a symbolic position. It means minding small groups and leading them into battle. We can't have you doing that. You're our healer and we need you where you are. If we had more healers, we would place you in charge of them and maybe making you a senior Warden would mean something then. As it already stands, you have a great deal of power. It would be your call, if Alistair or I fell ill, to relieve us of duty. Or anyone, really. That is a great deal of trust being placed in you.
"Moreover, we passed over Velanna and Oghren as well. That's because Senior Warden is not a reward for sticking it out the required length. It's a lieutenancy. We're not wasting someone of your skill set on that."
"Anders, Senior Warden is not a symbolic position. It means minding small groups and leading them into battle. We can't have you doing that. You're our healer and we need you where you are. If we had more healers, we would place you in charge of them and maybe making you a senior Warden would mean something then. As it already stands, you have a great deal of power. It would be your call, if Alistair or I fell ill, to relieve us of duty. Or anyone, really. That is a great deal of trust being placed in you.
"Moreover, we passed over Velanna and Oghren as well. That's because Senior Warden is not a reward for sticking it out the required length. It's a lieutenancy. We're not wasting someone of your skill set on that."
Edited 2017-04-20 12:21 (UTC)
He sighs heavily as soon as they step out of the warehouse.
"Is there anything quite like Kirkwall? Dingy and grey and rainy and wet." He doesn't mean to be upset, but their destination and the weather don't make a great combination even with a thicker set of robes on. "I don't suppose you want to make a sudden trip to the Anderfels to get warm, do you?"
"Is there anything quite like Kirkwall? Dingy and grey and rainy and wet." He doesn't mean to be upset, but their destination and the weather don't make a great combination even with a thicker set of robes on. "I don't suppose you want to make a sudden trip to the Anderfels to get warm, do you?"
Nathaniel raises his hood and looks a bit glum. "I don't mind the rain, in a distant sense. But I do mind wet socks. Wet clothes, generally. Especially when I have to work all day in them."
And, as if by magic, when they're just far enough from the warehouse that they won't make it back before getting soaked, the rain becomes a downpour and threatens to become torrential indeed. Nathaniel mutters a curse and grabs Anders, sweeping into a nearby abandoned shop.
And, as if by magic, when they're just far enough from the warehouse that they won't make it back before getting soaked, the rain becomes a downpour and threatens to become torrential indeed. Nathaniel mutters a curse and grabs Anders, sweeping into a nearby abandoned shop.
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