I thought the one thing we could agree on was our feelings about corruption among Warden leadership. We have to be better than the others. She abused her power and lied about what she was doing, and as I understand it, nearly got you killed in the process.
She needed help, for people she cared about, and she didn't think she could ask us for it. Ten years, and she didn't think she could tell me the truth. That's something I've done wrong.
[That way of thinking sets Nathaniel's teeth on edge--this idea that someone else will behave better if you are simply better yourself. Maybe it's not how Alistair means it, but it's what Nathaniel hears. It's how Nathaniel knows the world.]
No. It's not. She knew what she was doing and she thought she could get away with it. That you happen to like her can't matter. We can't make exceptions to the rules because we like someone, or dislike them. And if she didn't want to step down, I could not have forced her to. It's done, Alistair.
If I based anything on who I liked, Anders would be leading and you'd be at Griffon Wing Keep.
[ And if he didn't like Anders, he might say something else—that they're not all so lucky as to have the Wardens ready to swoop in and protect the people they love, or that Alistair's belief that Anders' desertion would have been prevented if he knew the Wardens had his back is the same belief he's applying now to Teren—but he does like him, so he doesn't say it. ]
Look, just—the next time you want to [ finger quotes, who cares if they're anachronistic ] suggest [ end finger quotes ] any organizational restructuring or decide that any of us are Commanders, maybe don't do it so loudly or... so in the middle of camp. And—I know this is crazy [ with restrained jazz hands on crazy for emphasis, while we're being anachronistic ]—but consider talking to me about it, too. Preferably before the fact, but even after would be nice.
[Alistair has a point. But Alistair's jaw keeps flapping and it's maddening.]
I didn't go to her planning to demand she step down. I went to her expecting she would explain herself, apologize, and give me some reason to believe she wouldn't do it again. But apparently that was too much to expect. What was I supposed to do? If I'd asked you first, would you really have done the right th--
[DAMMIT. He stops and the rest of the breath reserved for that sentence is hissed out as he turns away. Now he knows how he sounds. Who he sounds like. That takes quite a bit of the wind out of his sails. He can't say whether he did the right thing anymore, but he knows he is right, that they cannot afford leadership which abuses its power. But will swinging too far the other way create just as many problems?]
I should not have demanded things of her without speaking to you first, [he allows.] I should not have acted in anger. Though blast if I know whether this is the right outcome. I don't even know if you know it. I thought between us, we'd have that covered.
[ For a moment Alistair's face darkens—not dangerously, probably, because anyone who knows him likely also knows he'd sooner walk away in a sulk than throw a punch in anger. But there's always the danger he'll start yelling. Fortunately Nathaniel catches himself before that point. The darkness subsides. He crosses his arms and keeps his mouth shut to let him finish. ]
It's probably the right outcome, [ he concedes, since Nathaniel gave him one, and because it's true, ] except for how it leaves me alone with you. But it wasn't your call. And if it's what we're doing, we have to tell everyone, not let them whisper about it, and try to let her keep some dignity. [ He gets quieter. ] Maybe she doesn't want to, I don't know, show weakness in front of you. She's just been stabbed in the back by the only people I've ever seen her let her guard down for. And I'm fairly sure my back hurts her more than it hurts me. It's not going to happen again.
[Nathaniel's gaze falls. There is some strain of resentment, even envy, that Alistair has as good a relationship with Teren as anyone. Nathaniel, meanwhile, doesn't get along with either. Out of the three of them, he is the misfit, unliked by the other two and scarcely able to agree on the color of an orange. He never expected Teren would be the one to be asked to step down.
He shakes his head.] If I try and repair matters with her, I'll make it worse. Can you...?
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chiming
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Date: 2017-02-25 03:23 pm (UTC)From:I called on her to step down. She did.
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Date: 2017-02-25 04:15 pm (UTC)From:[ o! the eyebrow. ]
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Date: 2017-02-25 04:18 pm (UTC)From:I thought the one thing we could agree on was our feelings about corruption among Warden leadership. We have to be better than the others. She abused her power and lied about what she was doing, and as I understand it, nearly got you killed in the process.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-25 04:29 pm (UTC)From:[ He refuses to wither, ser! He will not! ]
She needed help, for people she cared about, and she didn't think she could ask us for it. Ten years, and she didn't think she could tell me the truth. That's something I've done wrong.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-25 04:34 pm (UTC)From:No. It's not. She knew what she was doing and she thought she could get away with it. That you happen to like her can't matter. We can't make exceptions to the rules because we like someone, or dislike them. And if she didn't want to step down, I could not have forced her to. It's done, Alistair.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-25 05:24 pm (UTC)From:[ And if he didn't like Anders, he might say something else—that they're not all so lucky as to have the Wardens ready to swoop in and protect the people they love, or that Alistair's belief that Anders' desertion would have been prevented if he knew the Wardens had his back is the same belief he's applying now to Teren—but he does like him, so he doesn't say it. ]
Look, just—the next time you want to [ finger quotes, who cares if they're anachronistic ] suggest [ end finger quotes ] any organizational restructuring or decide that any of us are Commanders, maybe don't do it so loudly or... so in the middle of camp. And—I know this is crazy [ with restrained jazz hands on crazy for emphasis, while we're being anachronistic ]—but consider talking to me about it, too. Preferably before the fact, but even after would be nice.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-26 12:53 am (UTC)From:[Alistair has a point. But Alistair's jaw keeps flapping and it's maddening.]
I didn't go to her planning to demand she step down. I went to her expecting she would explain herself, apologize, and give me some reason to believe she wouldn't do it again. But apparently that was too much to expect. What was I supposed to do? If I'd asked you first, would you really have done the right th--
[DAMMIT. He stops and the rest of the breath reserved for that sentence is hissed out as he turns away. Now he knows how he sounds. Who he sounds like. That takes quite a bit of the wind out of his sails. He can't say whether he did the right thing anymore, but he knows he is right, that they cannot afford leadership which abuses its power. But will swinging too far the other way create just as many problems?]
I should not have demanded things of her without speaking to you first, [he allows.] I should not have acted in anger. Though blast if I know whether this is the right outcome. I don't even know if you know it. I thought between us, we'd have that covered.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-26 05:22 am (UTC)From:It's probably the right outcome, [ he concedes, since Nathaniel gave him one, and because it's true, ] except for how it leaves me alone with you. But it wasn't your call. And if it's what we're doing, we have to tell everyone, not let them whisper about it, and try to let her keep some dignity. [ He gets quieter. ] Maybe she doesn't want to, I don't know, show weakness in front of you. She's just been stabbed in the back by the only people I've ever seen her let her guard down for. And I'm fairly sure my back hurts her more than it hurts me. It's not going to happen again.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-26 06:00 am (UTC)From:He shakes his head.] If I try and repair matters with her, I'll make it worse. Can you...?