pinprick | Fade Rift: Inbox

You know what to do.

Nathaniel nudges Anders' shoulder with his hand, then holds a little bag of chicken in front of his face, knowing it's the only way he'll get Anders' attention away from the kittens. But he's smiling, offering the treats so Anders can entice the kittens, who are looking intrigued already.

He takes the bag, leaning against Nate for a moment so he can kiss his temple.

"How is it you know what I most need?" Nate's a miracle. A blessing in his life that has had none for so long. He doesn't know how this has come to be, but he can't treasure this more. Anders shifts so he can continue to have physical contact with Nate while opening the bag up and trying to lure in the puffballs.

A few are sniffing at the air, two tumbling from their perch and starting to bat at each other instead of waddling forward more, but one is slowly scooting closer, squeaking as it approaches.

A wry look. A gesture in the direction of kittens. A gesture in the direction of Anders. "You're joking, right?"

He huffs as he settles down, moving to rest his head on Nate's lap while finally setting a small piece of the chicken down and withdrawing his hand so it can gain more courage.

"I was trying to give you a compliment." His voice is warm, though hushed. Very hushed. The first kitten is nibbling and another few have untangled themselves from various kitten piles and are sniffing the air. Anders sets out more small pieces, shredding them with his fingers before leaving his hand nearby, chicken-scented fingers available for their notice.

Nathaniel wastes no time, brushing Anders' hair back with one hand while the other reaches for a kitten. He has decided he will cover Anders in kittens if it takes all night. This one squeaks and spreads its toes when it's lifted into the air, and is placed on Anders' chest with a few little pets.

"I love you too," he answers warmly, though he has always had a rocky relationship with compliments. "And I think you would do the same for me."

He makes a very quiet, so-happy "oh" sound as the little bundle is set on his chest, quickly reaching up to soothe the tiny life.

"It's all right. I won't hurt you. You're safe." And then, looking up at Nate with a smile, "I'd do something similar, but I don't think kittens would do it for you. A pile of puppies, as I pretend to be fine with them licking the face I adore kissing so much."

He could lie here forever, with Nate's hand in his hair and kittens slowly gathering their courage before he carefully starts adding them to the little one already on top of him.

"Frankly," Nathaniel concedes, his voice low, "it's hard to go wrong with kittens. Even if I prefer..."

A little smile.

"...surrounding myself with those who...wear their hearts on their sleeves. Who you never have to guess what they feel, or what they think, or whether they love you. And you like the ones who are a bit shy, who you have to work to get to know. But who are just as loving, really."

He keeps one hand petting the kittens who are starting to get comfy on his chest, but with the other he reaches up to cup the side of Nate's face.

"And who are more than worth every bit of work it takes to know. You've the best heart of anyone I know, Nate, and you give me so much confidence and strength along with the love. Being with you is the best thing to happen to me, in the whole of my life." Nate's already basically said he knows that, but Anders wants to reiterate the point.

Nathaniel, because he loves him, puts another kitten on his chest before leaning down to kiss him. A little kiss, just to return the sentiment because he's not as easy with words. He looks into those amber eyes, his own shining. Another kitten is piled on.

"You are the love of my life," he says quietly. "And because I love you, I am putting squeaky kittens all over you."

The next kitten goes directly on Anders' face.

He snorts, sound quickly stifled so he doesn't knock the kitten off. Some days he feels like there's a massive hole in him that can never be repaired. When he's with Nate, though, he feels more like he's whole and complete.

"And you are the love of mine," he says after he shifts the kitten to be on his nose rather than his mouth. He's loved before, but this is a love that has had time to become full-blown. "I can't believe I get to marry you. Or be buried in squeaky kittens."

Nate's cheek is gently rubbed before he returns to petting the kittens. "I'd a fantasy about being rescued by you, you know. Only I was a little more... coherent when you found me in it and I promptly offered to reward you. This didn't work out quite so well."

Nathaniel makes a thoughtful sound. The kitten moves to Anders' nose with a soft meeee and holds on for dear life.

"We could always make pretend, later tonight. I could rescue you from any number of places in Skyhold. I look forward to seeing what the reward could be--though not in front of the kittens."

"Definitely not in front of the kittens." He continues petting for several moments before he reaches up to hold Nate's hand.

"No one's ever come when I needed them before. So many times in my life I've needed and I've been alone. But you, you came through. You love me and you came through. I could only dream of it before." He takes a shaky breath. "I was so scared, I couldn't see a way out, and then you were there. You didn't have to prove yourself to me, but Maker, there's no stronger proof of love."

The kitten on Anders' nose has climbed onto Anders' upper chest, tottering from uncertain footing. After a moment, it turns around and gives a bewildered mmmeeeEEEEEEEr right into Anders' face. Meanwhile, another kitten has started climbing up Nathaniel's sleeve, adventurous and determined to see how far it can go.

Nathaniel strokes Anders' hair again. "I will always come for you," he says quietly, as he did in the tent. "Always."

He can't help it, tears well up in his eyes and one escapes. Anders turns his head slightly to look away, taking a shaky breath as he does. This is security and safety, and he's never had that before, not since the day he set the barn on fire.

"You're a miracle. My miracle. I can't..." Anyone would be lucky to have Nate by their side. He's all the more lucky, considering everything. "I don't know what I'd do without you." Nate is his light and his strength and his hope, and if he was to lose Nate, he couldn't go on. He's quite certain of that, even with all these kittens.

The bewildered one gets more attention, both hands going to soothe and comfort him.

"It's all right, little one. We're as safe as we can ever possibly be."

The hand stroking Anders' hair halts briefly before continuing. For a moment, Nathaniel is thrown into serious doubt. He swallows it for the moment and keeps covering Anders with kittens.

It's on the way back to the camp that Nathaniel, after a great deal of internal struggling, speaks, threading his fingers through his partner's.

"Anders...if something happened to me, you would be fine. Well, maybe not fine, but you would be able to go on. Right?"

His heart drops to his stomach at the question, and Anders' grip on Nate's hand tightens as he looks at his partner.

"What's that mean? Is something going on? Are you... What's going on?" The answer is no, but he's not sure he wants to give it. Not yet, at least.

"No--no, nothing, I just--" Okay he has to do a bit of damage control, taking a moment to squeeze Anders' hand and smile. "I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere. I just...worry about you."

He can breathe again at that answer, drawing close to Nate as they resume walking. There's silence for a few moments before he can muster up a reply to Nate's question.

"I don't know that I would want to go on. I had to, after Karl died. Justice gave me no choice in the matter. But I don't think I want to live through losing again." His voice is quiet as he speaks, and his gaze is directed at the ground. "I've survived so many things, and I'm... I'm tired, Nate. I don't think I have the energy to go on from something happening to you."

Nathaniel lets go of Anders' hand so he can put his arm around his waist and draw him close.

"I...understand. I guess we're both ready to finally find someone we never have to lose. Ready for that happily ever after. I just worry that I'm...I don't want to be the next Justice in your life. I don't want to...absorb you. I just wanted to bring you out into the sun so you could shine all on your own."

Edited Date: 2017-01-31 12:47 am (UTC)

He leans into the hold.

"You're nothing like Justice, love. You don't force anything, you listen, you care about my input. You support instead of push. My... Any lack of shine is because of the tarnish of my past, not you. I swear it, Nate. You've only ever helped and done right by me." He didn't realize Nate had been worried about that. He'd have to try to make sure Nate didn't have anything to fear there.

Nathaniel presses a kiss to the side of Anders' head, his worries quieted for now. Though he considers, wonders, how he can do better. For Anders and for himself. How do Delilah and her husband do it?

As he relaxes at the scent of Anders' hair, he smiles a little. "We should have couple-friends."

Edited Date: 2017-01-31 01:09 am (UTC)

He can feel Nate relax against him and Anders relaxes in turn. Whatever got Nate worried has passed for now, it seems.

"Couple-friends? I'm not sure what that means. We've people who like the both of us. Bethany, Merrill, um, you know Cyril, don't you? The list is only on the short side because I'm not certain who all you know."

"I mean...when couples are friends with other couples. Each couple being a sort of unit. That's a thing."

"Oh." He's quiet again for a few moments. "I... The only set I can think of that's all fine with me is Cyril and Taas and Sam. And I think Sam still has his doubts sometimes. I'm... I make that complicated."

He's good with Araceli, but not Korrin. He's good with Bethany, but not always certain Aleron is all right with him.

"What about Bethany and Aleron?" Nathaniel wonders--perhaps some of that couple telepathy, or just blundering cluelessly ahead. "We've known them for ages."

Sort of. Nate has known them, individually, for ages. Anders has known Bethany for ages. Still.

Edited Date: 2017-01-31 01:56 am (UTC)